Contradistinctive
by Kit-Cat Star
Summary: A few one-shots all in different Alternate Universes/ AU's. Chapter Four (Strange Guild): In which Lucy is kicked out, becomes a water/elemental/celestial/pure awesomeness Dragon Slayer, joins Sabertooth, wins the GMG, and returns home with her Exceed to kick the rest of Fairy Tail's butts. And then she wakes up.
1. Army Days

**So what was once just an AU oneshot is now going to be a few multichapters of unrelated AU one shots. Hopefully I'll get some reviews this time.**

**Army Days**

_Signing up for army training probably wasn't the best idea for rebellious Natsu. And when the only person separating Natsu and Gray is sick, Lucy is late, and Erza is their higher up, things are bound to go wrong._

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><p>"Rock!"<p>

"Eh, it's Rocko, not Rock – I mean, present!" A lanky young man replied.

"Redfox!"

"Tch – here." Instead of a skinny man, this one was a buff, scary looking dude with hair so long it was pulled into a small, girly ponytail in order to meet regulations.

"Strauss!"

"Reporting for duty, Colonel Scarlet!" A tall, white haired woman said as she took a step forward. Behind her, seventeen or so other men and women in uniform were standing, waiting for their names to be called out as a redhead called out their names.

"Why does Erza insist on shouting our names in reverse alphabetical order?" Gray whispered as Lissana and Elfman Strauss, the first woman's sister and brother, came forward to Erza's call.

"I dunno, why are you asking me?" Natsu hissed. As their last names were _Dragneel _and _Fullbuster _they were placed together in almost all activities.

"And where's Laxus? Isn't he supposed to be in between us, stopping our fights or whatever shit he usually says?"

"I heard he caught the flu again, along with the rest of his 'Thunder – ass' troops. Probably just skipping 'cause they can and all that crap," Gray replied as _McGarden _was next. "But seriously, is your head full of wax or somethin'? Mira mentioned that yesterday."

Natsu shrugged, pink hair swaying and voice raising. "Eh, I don't listen much." _Marvell _was called out as a petite blue haired woman stepped to Erza.

Gray, at that point, hand apparently decided it was time for an insult. "You don't listen to anyone, Major Di – "

"Sergeant Loxar!" The two men were reminded where they were when Major Erza Scarlet called out a pale woman's name. "Juvia is here, Colonel."

"Good, good... Major Heartfilia!"

"Hey – feel – may – ah?" Natsu whispered. "What a weird last name. She must be a big time weirdo. How come I haven't met her before?"

"Major Heartfilia?" Erza repeated. "Are you here today? Or did you catch the – _ahem, _flu – like Dreyar?" That's when Natsu realized that the Hey-tree-ee-a girl wasn't there. You see, when the people were called to attention this morning by Erza _Scary_ Scarlet, only around eighteen had come. Number nineteen, Laxus Dreyar, had the flu (or so he said). The twentieth was currently on her way.

"I'm sorry I'm late – um, Colonel Scarlet!" A blonde woman suddenly ran out from a building not too far away from where the people were gathered. "Eh – present!"

"As this is your first time being tardy, Heartfilia, I will excuse it just this one time – " Erza suddenly whipped around to face Natsu. "Dragneel. Why are you laughing?"

Natsu cussed – he thought he was hiding his snickers well – and tried to stand up straighter. He only succeeded in tripping. Gray had to hide his own chuckles as Natsu got back to his feet and spoke. "Uh – well, um – Colonel Erza Scary – _let_, Scar_let_, yeah, Scarlet, I was just thinking that Heart-fill-bee-a needs to change her last name," Natsu squeaked.

"And what do you think she should change her last name to, Dragneel?" Erza demanded, her glare deepening. Behind her, Natsu saw the blonde woman's face a cherry red.

"Er, she should be Major _Weirdo_, Colonel Scarlet, 'cause she's so weird, I think," Natsu said, regaining his confidence as he took a step forward. "What's her first name? I wanna know if it goes well with Weirdo."

"Get back in line, Drag – " Erza was cut off by a timid reply from Hearth-fill-gee-a.

"Lucy," The blonde woman muttered. "It's Lucy." She seemed as surprised as everyone else did for speaking to Natsu. "Eh? Your first name is Lucy?"

Everyone held their breath as Natsu scratched his head, ignoring Erza's _angry trembling _hands reaching for his neck and Gray's _sooooo annoying _stifled laughter. "Sooo... Lucy Weirdo... eh..." Natsu muttered. The young man failed to realize that Lucy's face had pushed past the borders of the possible and now seemed to be some sort of a deep pink – purple and was that a flush of mortification or a blush?

"Nah, I guess I don't see it," Natsu finally said after a lengthy pause. "I guess she'll just have to stay as a Mart-kill-i-la or whatever her last name is."

"That's not even close to her name, you idiot!" Gray finally burst out before realizing what he had just said. "I mean – oh, _shit_** –** "

"Please refrain yourself from saying such profane words, Fullbuster," Erza growled before shoving Natsu back into place. "As for you... don't speak out again, Dragneel, or I'll make sure you don't step foot on base ever again. Or walk _anywhere _ever again."

"Yes ma'am!" Both men shouted as they clapped each other on the back for being so brave in front of the demon, their rivalry temporarily forgotten.

Meanwhile, sixteen soldiers were watching the scene with some sort of awe on their face. Did Natsu and Gray really just go up against Erza – and live?! Only the higher ups could do that, for Erza was a monster on and off the battlefield.

_She must be in a good mood... _everyone except the redhead herself thought.

Lucy's blush finally started to subside after Natsu continued his whispering conversation with Gray and Erza continued to call out people's names.

"Fullbuster... he's here... Dreyar has the flu... Dragneel is also here. Connell?"

"Present!"

"Conbolt?"

"Here...ish...I'm still at last night's bar fight..."

"Please stop talking. Chickentiger?"

"Here."

"Alors?"

"Present."

After Cana Alberona's name was called out (to which she had stumbled backwards yelling "_Here_!" in Max Alors' ear), Erza started their day with drills and training. That night, however, was spent at the local bar with everyone talking about Natsu taking on Erza–demon without dying. Natsu stretched the truth: "I actually had a fistfight with her and won!" while Gray corrected him: "You weren't even close to hitting her, Natsu..."

Near the back of the room, Lucy gave a small smile when Natsu grinned at her and waved. Joining the circle, she sided with Gray and shot down Natsu's far fetched story.

"Heart-fill-bee-a? Really, Natsu?"

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><p><strong>Review Maybe? I don't really want to have to beg for reviews, but I'd like someone to leave an opinion. Even if it's just a "good", "bad", "awesome", or even if you're a guest.<strong>


	2. We're Not In Earthland Anymore

**We're Not in Earthland Anymore**

"**Is your hand on fire?! Get away from me!" "You're a natural actress, Erza." Who would have thought that Natsu was scared of fire, or that Erza could actually act? Are we in Edolas? This is definitely not a normal day in Fairy Tail... AUish, crack. One shot.**

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><p>It was just a normal day in the guild of Fairy Tail...<p>

...Or was it?

Lucy skipped into the guild and waved at Cana. "Can I get a milkshake, please, Cana?" she asked. The brunette rolled her eyes.

"Ugh, coming."

As Lucy sipped her milkshake, Natsu burst into the guild, pushing people to the side as he hopped onto a bar stool next to her. "Canaaaaa!" he yelled. "I'm thirsty!"

Cana started grumbling under her breath. "Ever since Master made me be a bartender, everyone has been ordering more often. Are you trying to make me even busier?" She huffed.

Natsu beamed. "Yep!"

"Why do you have to act as a bartender, anyway, Cana?" Lucy asked. "I don't remember the reason why."

Cana paused cleaning the counter and put a hand on her chin, rubbing it as she thought. "Well... it might have been because I almost put us out of business by drinking all the alcohol... nah, probably 'cause I blew up a town last week."

"Huh? Which town, Cana?" Natsu said.

"Eh... Crocus, I think?" Cana guessed. "I don't really remember, 'cause straight after that I hit a bar in another town..."

"...and drank the bar out of business," Lucy finished, sighing. "Wait, Crocus?! That's Fiore's capital, Cana!"

Natsu grinned. "That's the strongest wizard in Fairy Tail for ya!" he yelled. Cana flipped her hair the same way valley girls did, winking. "That's right!...but now I have to work the bar instead of going on missions for the next two weeks."

"Natsu, what do you think would happen if we did that sort of thing?" Lucy said to her teammate. They both shuddered at the thought.

"Master's punishment is really harsh..." Natsu squeaked. "I don't want to imagine that!"

Just then, Erza came through the door, downcast.

"Erza! What's wrong?" Lucy asked. The scarlet haired woman shook her head as she joined the three at the bar.

"I failed the last mission I went on... again," Erza muttered. "Master would be ashamed of me... I promised myself I would complete it, but..."

"What was the mission?" Natsu spoke up. Cana leaned over the bar, interested.

"I had to slay a couple of baby demons near Hargeon," Erza replied. "But I messed up, and in the end, the townspeople killed them instead!" she put a hand to her head. "I'm the weakest mage in Fairy Tail!"

"Ya should have taken an acting job, Erza!" Cana said. "I've seen your plays. You're amazing!"

Erza perked up. "You really think so?"

"Of course! Everyone in Fairy Tail saw you in that play last month!" Lucy said.

Natsu nodded. "You're a natural actress, Erza."

They were telling the truth – Erza was one of the best actresses in Fairy Tail, if not Fiore. She was always taking missions that had her staring in plays. Because of her famous plays (Such as _A Flower Blooms in the Rain, Daybreak, _and _Frederick and Yanderica_), Erza was known around the world as the "Acting Demon". However, her talent onstage did not apply to her performance in jobs offstage, and Erza was known as one of the weakest members in their guild, while Lucy, Cana, Macao, and Wakaba claimed the title of S-Class Wizards.

"Thank you, everyone," Erza said. Hopping off of a bar stool, she nearly crashed into Levy McGarden, who was fighting with her boyfriend, Gajeel Redfox.

"First you invade Fairy Hills, then you get me kicked out of the library, and now you've destroyed my favorite book? Why do I even bother dating you?!" Levy screamed. Gajeel, shivering under her glare, squeaked and tried to escape, but Levy was too fast as she grabbed a mug from a nearby table and smashed it over her head. "Take that!"

"I wish they would stop fighting," Natsu grumbled. "They're both so annoying."

"I've always been surprised that, even though she has no muscles, Levy's as strong as an S-Class Wizard. Why isn't she one yet, again?" Cana asked, but didn't wait for an answer before moving on. "And Gajeel, even though he has a six pack and everything, is _nothing _without Levy."

"But they will make up, soon," Lucy said. "They might fight, but Levy and Gajeel always have each others backs. And at least they aren't as bad as Bisca and Alzack, or maybe Wendy." She pointed to a man and a woman bickering behind them. Though they had the same magic, Bisca and Alzack were the worst enemies you could imagine.

Meanwhile, Natsu happened to catch the eye of Wendy. A new recruit, the Sky Dragon Slayer was all about fighting. As soon as his gaze made contact with the twelve year old's, Wendy stood up on her chair. "You wish to fight me, Natsu-san?! I'll win against you any day!" Wendy yelled. "_Roar of the Sky Dra_-"

"Let's not damage the bar!" Cana interrupted. Lucy glanced at a relieved Natsu, who was sweating buckets, and laughed. "She talks so formally, yet her attitude makes you think different."

"Probably the way she was brought up," a new voice spoke up. One of the greatest wizards in Fairy Tail's son, Romeo, hopped onto a bar stool on the other side of Lucy. "What's up, Lucy-san? Didja take any new missions recently?"

"Not since you asked me this morning, Romeo," Lucy replied. The thirteen year old boy had idolized Lucy the moment she'd joined Fairy Tail two years before. "But Natsu and I are probably going to take a mission tomorrow, if you'd like to join us."

"That would be awesome!" Romeo said, lighting his hand on fire using his purple flare magic. Natsu shrieked like a little girl, hiding behind Lucy.

"Is your hand on fire?! Get away from me!" Natsu growled. Everyone in the guild knew of Natsu's phobia to fire, which was the exact reason why Romeo was lighting his hand on fire.

"Sorry, Natsu," Romeo chuckled as the flame disappeared. Lucy rolled her eyes at Natsu's embarrassed face.

"Fight me, Natsu-san!" a fist came into Natsu's face and the pink haired boy fell off of his bar stool and onto the floor. Wendy hopped onto the stool saying, "Sky Dragon's Wing Attack!" A whirlwind of air sailed into Natsu's back, to which he yelped at. "Ouch... Wendy..."

"Really, Natsu? Defeated in one blow?" Romeo scoffed. "I could do better than that!" He climbed onto a table and chanted his spell. "Yellow Fire!"

A golden flame appeared in Romeo's hand, which he flung at Wendy. It hit her in the face and she stumbled off of the stool and onto the ground.

"This flame doesn't burn..." Wendy noted. "But... it smells _awful_, Romeo-chan!" She started to cough as Lucy glared at the boy, Cana laughed, and Natsu gave a noise of fear.

"Romeo! Don't attack Wendy with that! She's younger than you!" Lucy chided. Romeo blinked.

"Um, Wendy is younger than all of us," he pointed out.

Wendy said, "It's okay, Lucy-san. If he wants to fight, I'll gladly spar with him!"

As the two youngest guild members fought, Lucy saw Cana look around to see who else was in the guild. When satisfied no one was looking at her (and missing Lucy's suspicious stare in the process), the brunette took a wine bottle and drank it. All of it.

"Cana! That was a very expensive bottle you just drank! You better pay for that!" Macao shouted from where he was, hanging out with his buddy Wakaba and talking to his wife (the Conbolts were a very close family, from what Lucy heard). Macao stood up and cats several balls of purple fire to fire at Cana, who ducked under the bar.

"You dare challenge Fairy Tail's strongest wizard?!" Cana growled. She threw several cards out. "Heaven Card! Reversed Death! Mountain!_ Summoned Lightning_!"

As Lucy watched the battles beginning, she sighed. "Romeo versus Wendy, Alzack versus Bisca, Levy against Gajeel, and Cana attacking Macao... and now Wakaba versus Natsu..."

Her teammate was currently punching Wakaba as the S-class wizard sent smoke-versions of himself to attack. Despite having very weak magic, Natsu was easily winning due to his strength and speed. Alzack and Bisca were having a shootout, Bisca taking cover from an overturned table and Alzack shooting from behind the bar. Levy was chasing Gajeel around the guild as the black haired man begged for forgiveness, and Wendy had almost knocked Romeo out with her Sky Dragon's Claws attack, having enhanced herself with her powers.

Lucy watched as Macao dodged the lightning bolts thrown his way and responded with more purple firebolts. One of them struck Cana on the leg, who hissed, and pulled up her sleeve. "Gather, O river of light that guides the fairies! Shine, in order to perish the fangs of evil! _Fairy Gli_-"

"_No! _Cana!" Lucy rushed in front of the taller female, waving her arms. "You'll destroy the guild!"

"Eh? I wont go _that _overboard, Lucy," Cana replied. "Just want to show Macao whose stronger."

"But he was just telling you to pay for your drink..." Lucy put a hand on her forehead as she watched the guild fight. Gray Fullbuster, who was Juvia's boyfriend, entered the guild with Juvia Loxar. The two quickly joined the fight, Juvia helping Bisca by shooting water bullets and Gray tackling Macao with an "Iron Fist". Lucy winced when she saw a water bullet hit Alzack's cheek, though the man didn't seemed fazed.

"This guild just went from calm to a complete mess," Lucy said. "Where's Master when you need -"

"Are you all fighting again?" Lucy turned, expecting to see her savior, but "savior" didn't seem always to fit Erza, who had reentered the guild with a small backpack – the woman had always insisted on bringing as little stuff as you could so you didn't have a bunch of useless items to carry.

"I'm going to act in a play in Crocus, to help earn money for the charities rebuilding the city after Cana's attack. Would you like to come with me, Lucy?" the redhead asked. Lucy thought about it. For less than a second.

"Let me get my stuff from my apartment real quick!" Lucy gasped, racing out of the guild right as Cana sent a _Prayer's Fountain _card that missed Macao and stuck right where the blonde had been seconds before. Erza gazed around at the different matches going on.

"Where is Master?" she wondered, frowning. "I would have thought that Master would be here to break up the fights..."

"Erza, what in Earthland is going on here?!" Erza turned to see Makarov.

"The guild seems to have torn itself apart, Makarov," Erza replied. "They're all fighting... Lucy and I are to go on an acting job in Crocus to make up for Cana's destruction a few weeks ago."

The old man grinned. "That's good. But in the mean time..." his voice boomed as he turned into his titan form, growing bigger and bigger until his head touched the ceiling. "All of you, _stop fighting!_"

Everyone broke apart at his shout. Cana quickly pulled her sleeve back down, stepping away from a KO'd Macao and Gray and going back behind the bar. Natsu sat on down at a table, grinning in spite of his bruises from fighting Wakaba. Wendy and Romeo shook hands, Wendy saying she wanted to fight with him again, and Bisca thanked Juvia for her help as Alzack glared at the two women. Levy and Gajeel quickly made up and proceeded to start kissing and acting like a couple again.

"Do all of you have no shame?" Makarov growled. "Fighting, when we could have an important visitor come in, or an emergency happen! Fairy Tail's Guild Master would be very ashamed if that person were to see this!"

"But Master is on a job right now, right?" the voice of Mirajane piped up as she stood next to the job board, her siblings behind her. The trio were strong wizards who always went on jobs together. Mirajane knew _Animal Soul, _Lissana practiced _Beast Soul, _while Elfman was mastering _Demon Soul_.

"That may be true." Erza admitted, "But that doesn't mean you should fight. We have jobs to take, duties to attend to, plays to act, and lives to save! We are _Fairy Tail_, not Blue Pegasus!" Everyone shuddered at the thought of Fiore's most disgusting Guild (rumor has it that the bar hadn't been cleaned in seven years, and that the Guildmaster, Master Bob, was a very cranky and mean man), and straightened themselves out.

Makarov nodded at Erza as he shrunk back down. "Thank you, Erza. When will you be leaving for Crocus?"

"As soon as Lucy gets back, Master..."

"Hey! Lucy's leaving without me?!" Natsu ran over to Erza. "Can I come, too?"

"Of course, Natsu," Erza replied. "Get your stuff together at your place and meet us at the train station in a half hour."

"Yes! Alright!" Natsu cheered. "I get to see you preform in a play _and _get a couple of jewels! Plus a cool train ride all the way to the capital!"

"Gray thinks it would be a good experience if Gray and Juvia-sama went too," Gray said. His girlfriend was clinging onto his arm as he walked up.

"But I am busy soon, Gray," Juvia said. "I planned a shopping trip with Levy and Cana at two."

Gray gasped. "Juvia-sama! How could you betray Gray?! I just signed us up for a mission without knowing you were already booked!" Natsu, Erza, and Makarov watched the couple talk, all of them slightly confused.

"Why are you talking in third person, Gray...?" Erza asked – but was ignored when Juvia said, "You can go without me, Gray. Why don't the four of you head to Crocus instead?"

"Fine... Gray will go without Juvia-sama... but Gray will miss Juvia every second of the mission!" Gray proclaimed, lighting a fist on fire and raising it up in the air.

Juvia agreed, saying, "I will miss you too, Gray! I will be waiting for you, thinking about you, for every second I can!"

The two hugged, not noticing their audience. "Um... why are they talking as if they wont see each other for months?" Natsu questioned.

"Maybe Gray is already practicing for his role?" Erza said. "I cannot wait to get onto stage again! Let us do some vocal exercises!"

"Eh?" Natsu tried to run away but was pulled back by Erza's strong grip. "Let's start, Natsu! Doe – ray – me!"

"Do rain feet?"

"Fa – so – la – ti – da!"

"Far so laugh tea dawn?" At this point, Makarov had given up trying to understand the situation, and was walking over to the bar to order a drink by a very frustrated Cana. Juvia and Gray were still locked in their embrace as Erza tried to teach Natsu how to sing.

"Excellent! Now, string it all together!"

"Though rain sees far so laughs see dawn?"

"Perfect, Natsu!" Erza said. As she said this, Lucy walked back in the guild. "What's going on?"

"I can sing, Lucy! Listen!" Natsu started to howl words that sounded only slightly similar to what Erza was teaching him.

"You sound like a monkey! Stop! Stop!" Lucy put her hands over her ears, glaring at both Erza and Natsu. "Let's go, Erza..."

"I'm coming too, Lucy! So is Gray! And we can practice singing in the train!" Natsu exclaimed, not hearing what Lucy had said first over his loud – and terrible – singing. Lucy groaned. "Great..."

Gajeel, who had walked into a backroom for a minute, came back with a cat on his shoulder. "Ghihihi, look at my awesome cat!" The small feline on his shoulder was chewing on a kiwi. Pantherlily's rounded bear – like ears twitched as he ate.

"Man, I wish I had a cat," Natsu muttered. "Why does he get one, but I don't?" Across the guild, Wendy was saying the same thing, also looking downcast.

"Ghihihi, you're both jealous of my awesome cats, aren't you?" Gajeel said. Natsu glared. "What did you just say?"

"Jealous loser." Gajeel put his cat down onto the table.

"Cat man." The air seemed to get a little colder as Natsu walked forward.

"What – no, I only have three cats -" Gajeel's frown became deeper.

"For now. What do you think of single with forty?" Natsu asked. He started to mutter something.

"Natsu -" Lucy didn't get to finish her setence.

"- make _cats!" _The air dropped several degrees as hundreds of tiny kittens dropped from nowhere and sprang towards Gajeel.

"Meet Tiny, Fluffy, Princess, Buffy, Muffin, Milliana, Tuffy, Frosty, Rusty, Luffy, Huffy, Steve," Natsu listed as each cat appeared Gajeel's scream grew louder. "Luigi, Minnie, Duffy, Zuffy, Puffy, Bubles, Leelo, Sunny -"

Lucy ordered, "Stop it, Natsu! You're overwhelming him with those ice cats."

The cats all disappeared instantly, Natsu pouting. "It's time to go on that job, anyway," Lucy continued. "Let's go – to the train station!"

"Now Gray is glad Gray is not going..." said man muttered, clutching his stomach as he ran out of the room to the nearest bathroom.

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><p><strong>I don't even know.<strong>

**Any information I say in this is completely fake, from Natsu's phobia to fire to the Strauss siblings' powers, as well as the Master's true identity (which shall never be revealed mwahahahaha)**

**In case you didn't notice, Gray – Fire Dragon Slaying Magic while Natsu has Ice Make Magic.**

**Review maybe?**


	3. Doblador de Género

**My logic: ****In my limited vocabulary of Spanish, words with ****_-a _****at the end usually are feminine words while those that end in ****_-o _****are masculine. So Scorpio becomes Scorpi****_a_****, even if that doesn't make any sense. **You'll see what I mean in a second.****

**Don't let Erza fool you – read the name slowly. It's ****_Ezra _****in here.**

**This one shot doesn't really fit in with the modern AU's, but it's still an alternate universe.**

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><p><em>Title: <em>**Doblador de** **Género_, _**_w__hich is a fancy way of saying Gender Bender in Spanish._

_Summary:_ Gate of the merman, Aquarius, open!" "Tch, I was on a date with my girlfriend, Scorpia. Why do you always have to bother me, Lucky? Do you have a girlfriend yet? Hmm?" Or, in which everything and everyone in the world is completely reversed.

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><p>"Gate of the merman, Aquarius, open!" A twist of the golden key and one chant later, a large blue haired and blue tailed merman was floating in the air next to a blonde man all dressed up in a tux.<p>

"Tch, I was on a date with my girlfriend, Scorpia. Why do you always have to bother me when I'm on a date, Lucky? Do you even have a girlfriend yet? Do you even know what dating means? Hmm?" the blue merman taunted.

"Can you read the situation here, Aquarius? I'm about to be killed by this mage right here!" Lucky, as the blonde young man was called, shouted. The villain in front of them was patiently waiting for them to finish their argument so she could beat the crap out of Lucky, but if Aquarius was going to do it for her, then why waste the energy?

The three – Lucky, Aquarius, and the female villain – were on a large ship slowly leaving port. Around them was several more woman supporting the backs and fainted bodies of men all dressed up as nice as Lucky.

Aquarius faced the female villain. "If you want to get rid of him, that's fine with me," Aquarius growled, ignoring Lucky's glare. "But I can't hurt my master on purpose, or else he would have been dead long ago."  
>"Don't give me attitude, Aquarius!" Lucky yelled. "Help me out here!"<p>

"Tch. Pest."

"I feel like Odysseus when he faces Circe, except with no allies," Lucky muttered, having read the book on the train to the harbor they were currently leaving.

"Tch. Stupid bookworm."

"Hey!"

The enemy, a tall female with long purple hair and dark eyes, glanced down at her nails. Just yesterday, she'd had them done – and now she was going to have to fight this wizard herself? No thank you! She had a different plan in mind. "But Aquarius, if you want to get rid of Lucky, then _I'll _be your new master," the young woman tried.

Aquarius' eye twitched. His glare deepened. "Are you trying to _flirt _with me, you fool?" he said. The waves and surrounding ocean got choppier. "You don't even know Celestial magic! And you have no right to flirt!" The crew members glanced over the side of the boat warily, each one making sure her dress wasn't wet from the water starting to leak into the boat.

"Um, master...?" one of them started.

"After all," Aquarius hissed, "I already have a girlfriend!" Gripping his pot tightly, Aquarius swung it around as he yelled – and the waves complied as a huge one swept the boat back into the port, into the town, and into pieces. Lucky screamed as the waves washed over him, his tux torn. He washed up onto the beach with the wrecked ship behind him.

"Did I kill that scheming girl?" Aquarius fumed. Lucky got to his feet as he watched the floating mermaid glance around the ruined boat. "I can't believe she tried to flirt with me! Ugh!"

Just then, a person leaped down from the roof of a building. "Did you do this, Lucky?" the girl asked. With wild pink hair, a zipped up black vest, and baggy white pants, Natsa surveyed the wreckage.

"Aquarius did, actually," Lucky muttered. "I'm never going undercover again."

Two more people joined them, along with a flying animal. "This is worse than when I blew up the clock tower last week," Gracie said in amazement. Her white shorts, sports bra, and dark boots attracted plenty of looks from males, which she ignored as she weaved a hand through her short black hair.

"Hush!" Ezra growled as he stepped forward. One of the strongest wizards Lucky knew – if not the strongest – Ezra had dark eyes, fitted gray armor, smooth red hair, and a last name to match his hair.

"_An old friend of mine gave me that name," _he'd explained when they had asked why his last name was Scarlet. _Bullshit_, Lucky had thought. _Ezra has a girlfriend._

"Focus on our mission!" Ezra barked. "Lucky! Where is the criminal Bora that we were supposed to catch?"

Lucky glanced down at his keys. Aquarius had gone back to the Spirit World as soon as Natsa, Gracie, and Ezra came over. "I don't know," he admitted. "Bora disappeared after Aquarius pushed the ship into the harbor."

"More like crashed," Gracie muttered coldly.

"I'm right here, boys!" Bora shouted as she emerged from the ship. Her dress was barley torn, her hair still curled. Lucky wondered how she'd even survived the attack – their client hadn't given them much information on her other than she was kidnapping innocents and using her ship to take them to another country as slaves. Was she a wizard?

"I'm afraid we'll have to take you in to the national police now," Ezra said.

"That's not going to happen, I'm afraid," Bora replied, tossing her purple hair the same way she had before Aquarius had destroyed her ship. If it didn't work the first time, try again!

"And why not?" Lucky asked. "We're four highly trained mages from Fairy Tail!"

"Because even wizards can burn!" And with that, she summoned several jets of flames that combined into one large ball that fanned out, engulfing Gracie, Lucky, and Ezra. Bora laughed as she watched the fire rage – and then thought, _Wasn't there another one of them? I only saw three of them and that flying creature... _Then she saw it – a human, standing in the flames. The outline of a person standing unharmed. Natsa waved at Bora and started to eat up the flames. "Thanks for the snack."

"What? What happened to my fire?!" Bora shrieked.

"Sorry, but I'm a Fire Dragonslayer! Your flames don't have any effect," Natsa said as the last bit of fire disappeared. Behind her Lucky, Gracie, the flying creature, and Ezra stood without a scratch or a burn on any of them.

"Great job, Natsa!" the flying animal - a blue feline with the wings of an angel - cheered, winking.

"Thanks, Happy." Natsa beamed at the cat. "Now to get rid of Flora!"

"Wait - get rid of - " both Bora and Lucky shouted at the same time.

"Don't kill her! Our client wants her alive!" Lucky growled.

Bora shrieked, "I'm too pretty to die! And it's Bora!"

Natsa, ignoring them, started his next spell. "With a flame on my left hand..."

Gracie winced. "I feel kinda bad for Bora now..."

"...And a flame on my right hand..."

"Natsa! Don't _you dare!" _Ezra yelled.

"...When you combine those flames together..."

"Holy shi - "

"Fire Dragon's Brilliant Flame!" Bora's curse was cut off by Natsa's giant flame that hurled towards her, swallowing up the fire mage. As it raged, the young men duped by Bora woke up and ran away from the site, and Bora's henchwomen quickly escaped as well. When the fire finally went out, Bora's dress was miraculously still left, but tattered beyond repair. Bora's hair was also singed.

"My - how - what -" the female villain gasped.

"How did she survive that?" Natsa pouted. "Damn it."

Lucky rolled his eyes as he walked forward. "Bora, we are Fairy Tail Wizards and we are here to arrest you for illegal slave trafficking, flirting, and theft... that's all of them, right?"

"I don't think flirting is a crime, Lucky," Gracie pointed out.

"As well as destroying properties, attempted murder, several cases of assault, and not having a license to operate a boat," Ezra added. He had requipped a sword and was holding it to Bora's gulping neck while glaring at Natsa. "Never disobey an order from me again, Natsa - _or else."_

Natsa flinched. "Aye - um - yes sir!" Happy landed on the teenager's head of long messy hair, her wings gone due to the timer wearing off. "I'm too scared to move..."

Just then, there was a shout. From a street leading downhill into the now damaged harbor, several of the Magic Council's troops were racing down to where the damage was worst. In other words, right to where the five members of Fairy Tail were with Bora.

"Halt!" a man in the lead yelled. "What in Fiore's name is going on - "

"Let's get out of here!" Natsa said, grabbing Lucky's wrist and pulling her to a different street. Gracie and Ezra followed, Ezra dragging Bora along with him. "Do not forget our prisoner!" he said.

"Right - right," Natsa puffed. "I'm out of shape, aren't I?"

Gracie said, "You always have been - you just figured that out now?"

"Shut up! And where's your excuse for a top?"

"Crap!"

Lucky rolled his eyes before covering them with his free hand until Gracie yelled, "Flame brain! It's still on!" Laughing, Lucky put down the same hand as Natsa grinned, Happy encouraged Natsa, and Ezra glared at both of them.

"Let's go back to Fairy Tail!" Natsa cheered.

* * *

><p><strong>That's all for now ^_^ If you have an idea for the next AU, feel free to leave a review.<strong>


	4. Strange Guild

****Disclaimer: Any names of anyone with a name not recognized in the Fairy Tail manga or anime is completely made up. I did not base this off of any "Lucy is kicked out of FT" stories, so it would only be a coincidence if you see a name from another fanfic that you recognize!****

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><p><strong><strong>Summary: <strong>**In which Lucy is kicked out, becomes a water/elemental/celestial/pure awesomeness Dragon Slayer, joins Sabertooth, wins the GMG, and returns home with her Exceed to kick the rest of Fairy Tail's butts. And then she wakes up. **Parody/Humor**

* * *

><p>The sun was bright, the birds were chirping, and all was well in late spring-time Magnolia. It was approaching summer, not even a month from the S-Class Trials at Tenrou Island. At a certain apartment on Strawberry Street, Lucy Heartfilia woke up with a smile, as chipper as the tweeting birds outside.<p>

"What a beautiful day!" she said, suppressing a yawn as she rolled out of bed, the pink blanket falling down with her.

"Today is going to be perfect! Nothing can go wrong!" she proclaimed as she got ready for the day and left her house, heading towards Fairy Tail. Lucy skipped into the Fairy Tail Guild, sitting on the bar and looking around the guildhall.

"Hello, Lucy!" Mirajane greeted as she wiped off a beer mug. "Can I get you anything today?"

Shaking her head, Lucy said, "No thanks, Mira. Have you seen Natsu anywhere?"

"I'm afraid not. I think he was going to go on a mission with Lissana and Happy today," Mirajane said. "They should be back later tonight."

Lucy frowned. Ever since Lissana had arrived back from Edolas, the blonde had been almost ignored by her team. Lucy had felt all alone but knew that the four of them - Natsu, Gray, Erza, and Happy - wanted to catch up with Lissana. Lucy had only gone on a couple of jobs in the month Lissana had returned from Edolas, and they had all been solo missions. While she would complete hard tasks in order to pay her rent, Natsu, Gray, Erza, and Happy would stay at the guild and talk to Lissana.

She decides to ignore the fact that since Lissana was Mira's sister, Erza had never talked to her before the accident. And Gray never really did, either, as he had other friends he preferred to hang out with such as Cana.

"Hey, Lucy, do you want to do a job together today?" Gray asked her as he walked up to her. "You've been acting sorta distant lately."

Lucy glanced at Gray before turning back to Mirajane. "I feel like my friends doesn't want me to be on their team anymore," she confessed to the white haired woman.

"But didn't Gray just ask you on a job, Lucy?" Lucy ignored Mirajane, sliding off the barstool and dejectedly walking out of Fairy Tail.

"Hey, that's rude! You just left without telling me anything!" Gray said, following her. Seemingly turning deaf, Lucy slowly moped home, not noticing Gray leave in frustration after calling out her name several times. Meanwhile, Juvia angrily created a flash flood in the guild as she watched Gray walk home, also unhappy that his teammate was ignoring him.

"Why is Lucy-san so rude to Gray-sama? She should ad least treat Gray-sama with respect!" Juvia growled.

Lucy spent the rest of the day writing her story until she got bored, reading a couple of other books. She climbed into bed and under her covers, ready to cry herself to sleep.

"Hey, Lucy!" Natsu greeted as he leaped through her open window and somehow flipped over her bed, landing feet firt on her floor. "You wanna do a job tomorrow?"

"When will Natsu notice me again?" Lucy signed dramatically. "When will they realize that Lissana isn't on their team?"

"Huh? I'm talking to ya right now, aren't I? And of course Lissana isn't on our team - she doesn't even want to be on our team. She's with her siblings." Natsu scratched his head as he tried to understand Lucy. "Is this one of those monthly things you get?"

"Maybe I should quit Fairy Tail..." Lucy muttered before turning on her side, facing the window, and falling asleep.

"Does she even know I'm here?" Natsu asked himself. "And why the hell would she quit Fairy Tail?! It's her guild!"

When he received no answer, the frustarated Dragon Slayer left her home - through the front door.

* * *

><p>"Are you sure this is something you want to do?" Makarov asked Lucy.<p>

"Yes. I'm positive. Fairy Tail is not what it used to be! It's different from the guild I admired and looked up to. It has changed, but for the worse, and I do not want to be here for it to fall even deeper. I will not remain in a guild that is a shell of it's former glory," Lucy said as she read her speech from notecards. "In fact, I think that Sabertooth is ten times better than what Fairy Tail is, and they are only a tiny guild that hasn't even been introduced this early in the manga! Then again, it's sort of odd that I know what Sabertooth is, considering that it is supposed to form during our seven-year sleep."

Wondering if it was because Lucy was on that emotional time of month, Makarov shook his head in defeat. He waved his hand, and with a magic that Hiro Mashima had never created or explained, her guild mark disappeared. "There you go, child," he said. "You are free go, even though we all do want you here."

However, Lucy had already run outside the office in tears, pushing past a concerned Levy, ignoring a confused Mirajane, and dodging Happy's shouts. She flung open the guild doors and raced towards the train station, where she boarded with a conveintly priced ticket and her luggage. Her destination: a random one, a place she didn't even know.

The town was small, surrounded by woods. As she was walking through the town, she noticed a bright light shining from the trees. Lucy quickly ran into the forest, following the glow even though she knew there was a chance it was dangerous. When she reached it, she gasped.

A large, multi-colored dragon stood in front of her, wings every color of the rainbow and more. It had gleaming amber-blue eyes that seemed to glow a green and then yellow hue. The dragon stared down at her with red eyes, blinking only once with purple orbs that seemed to reflect peace and calmness - a little odd for a dragon, but Lucy decided that it must be a very special dragon. One with many powers.

"Hello, Lucy Heartfilia," the dragon growled in a friendly manner.

Lucy gaped. "Y-you can talk? Wait, why is there a dragon here? How do you know my name?"

"I am Celeste, a powerful dragon that knows all magics in the stars. Would you like to come under my wing and learn how to become a Dragon Slayer? As long as you stay in this grove, you will not age," The dragon told her.

Lucy thought about the proposition for a long, long time. Two seconds later, she screamed, "YES!"

* * *

><p>It was six years later. Lucy had trained, and trained, and trained. About halfway through year one of six, she went out into society one day to find news that the strongest members of the Fairy Tail guild had been destroyed at Tenrou Island. She cried for about an hour before she'd met Daisy, an adorable little pink Exceed.<p>

However, at the end of her training, Lucy was released into the world again. Celeste told her that she could return to the grove whenever she needed or wanted to, and that Celeste would always be there.

Lucy and Daisy set off on their adventure, going through all sorts of towns and cities. At one town they stumbled across the Sabertooth Guild - one Lucy had been fangirling about ever since she and Daisy had started traveling.

"I'm going to join them! They're so strong and awesome!" Lucy cheered as she and Daisy ran/flew down the street and into the guild to see a refined, nice looking room unlike anything Lucy had ever seen before. Several heads turned, and it was Minverva Orlando who first decided to talk to the strangers.

"A girl and her pet cat," the Lady of Sabertooth drawled. "What are you two doing in our lovely guild?"

"We'd like to join!" Lucy replied, undaunted.

Minerva glared at Lucy. "You'll need to test your strength, first. Sting! Rogue!" At her command, the Twin Dragons stood up from a table.

"Fight her," Minerva hissed. "If she wins, she can join. If she loses..."

Sting and Rogue both nodded. Sting attacked with a "_Roar of the White Dragon", _aiming towards Lucy, who effortlessly dodged before sending an attack back of her own.

_"Celestial Dragon Roar of Unleashed Rage!" _Lucy screamed, a blast of rainbow colored magic aimed towards both Sting and Rogue. With a cry, both fell backwards, knocked out.

Minerva looked from the two men and to Lucy in shock. Sting and Rogue, Lucy. Sting and Rogue, Lucy. Then she grinned, thinking of the possibilities with this new power.

"You're in..."

"Lucy."

"Lucy."

* * *

><p>For the next year, Lucy completed missions for Sabertooth along with Daisy. Others sometimes joined them on missions, but it was usually only Lucy and Daisy.<p>

Then the Grand Magic Games came.

Lucy, Sting, Rogue, Rufus, and Orga were chosen - Minverva was out on a special mission at the time. They easily topped the competition from all of the other guilds in the first day - but the biggest shock was when Lucy was chosen to fight Flare of Raven Tail.

As Lucy stepped into the area, several Fairy Tail members gawked. "Lucy?!" Natsu cried out.

"I can't believe it! Lucy joined Sabertooth!" Happy wailed.

Lucy and Flare faced each other, both glaring at the other.

"Blondie," Flare spat.

"You're about to face the most humiliating defeat of your life, Flare," Lucy growled.

"Match...start!" the announcer shouted. Flare quickly sent out her hair, flaming, towards Lucy. However, with an icy grin, Lucy retaliated with _"Crushing Fang of the Water Dragon!" _Waves of water appeared from Lucy's hands, forming an arc that swept Flare and her hair away and only leaving a few ashes in her place. Flare laid KO'd on the other side of the arena.

"And in one of the quickest matches I've ever seen... Lucy of Sabertooth is the winner!" The announcer said. The crowd roared in approval for Sabertooth while the Fairy Tail guild stared in shock.

"I can't believe it... Lucy's a water Dragon Slayer now!" Natsu said.

However, throughout the games, it turned out that Lucy was also an Elemental Dragon Slayer as she swept Yuka and Toby off of their feet - literally - with waves of magma pushed by air and followed by muddy water and dirt. Then, Lucy revealed herself as a Celestial Dragon Slayer after Ichiya and the blue bunny suffered her rainbow-colored magic.

It was easy to say that Sabertooth dominated the Grand Magic Games. Months following the m were peaceful. After finding that it was boring doing nothing, Lucy decided to travel to the Fairy Tail Guild along with Daisy, and the two traveled for a while before finally being back in Magnolia.

Lucy flung open the guild doors. Daisy and Lucy entered to the normal Fairy Tail, although some members had aged.

"Hello, Fairy Tail!" Lucy yelled, quickly causing silence to the normally loud guild. Natsu ran up to her.

"Luuucy! I missed you so much!" Natsu howled. "It was so quiet and horrible without you! Why'd you leave, anyway?"

Gray, Erza, and Happy came up next. "That is what I'd like to know," Erza agreed. "Why did you leave, Lucy?" Mirajane frowned from behind the bar, remembering Lucy's last words to her about not feeling wanted.

Lucy glared. "I can't believe you four, of all people, don't know. But I didn't come to join the guild again - I came to challenge all of the Dragon Slayers to a duel!"

Gajeel, Wendy, and Laxus looked up from where they were sitting. The three stood up. "Ya wanna face _us, _Bunny Girl?" Gajeel growled. "Well, you're in for a beating."

Soon, Natsu, Gajeel, Wendy, Laxus, and Lucy stood out in front of the guild. Several guild members quickly came out to watch the battle. Cana started taking bets; everyone except for Mirajane voted for the Dragon Slayers, Mirajane for Lucy out of pity.

Erza stood in the front of the crowd watching them, acting as the referee. "When one side is unable to battle," she announced, glancing warily at Lucy, "Then the other wins! No cheating and no killing. The match begins... now!"

Natsu started running towards Lucy right away, fists flaming. Although he didn't want to hurt her, a battle was a battle. However, she lunged forward and punched him in the stomach, only using a little magic power to fuel the strength. Natsu fell to the ground, winded, with an "oomph!"

Then Gajeel shouted, "Roar of the Iron Dragon!" at the same time Laxus did his Lightning Dragon's Roar. Tiny metal scraps flew towards Lucy, sparked with lightning, but she blasted the magic and the magic users away with an Elemental Dragon's Roar.

The only one left was Wendy, who backed up nervously as Lucy started towards her. With one pinch on a certain spot on Wendy's neck, the youngest Dragon Slayer passed out.

There was silence.

And then, screaming in surprise. Everyone including Cana gave money to Mirajane, who was suddenly 75,000 jewels richer.

"I can't believe Lucy won!" Gray exclaimed. "Like - how'd she get all of those powers? She's a Water, an Elemental, and a Celestial Dragon Slayer! That's seriously over powered!"

_"You bet I am!"_ Lucy replied, laughing madly. _"I'm the strongest Dragon Slayer everrrrr-"_

"Watcha talking about, Lucy? _I'm _the Dragon Slayer."

Lucy opened her eyes slowly, realizing that she was still laying in her pink bed. Once her eyes adjusted to the light, she noticed a pink blur to the right of her - and it wasn't a part of a blanket.

_"Lucy Kick!"_

Natsu's face met the ground as he groaned in pain. "What was that for, Lucy?!"

"That was for sleeping in my bed with me," Lucy huffed. "Stop coming in the middle of the night! It's creepy!"

"But when I came you seemed like you were having a bad dream," Natsu protested as he got to his knees, facing Lucy with his head on the bed. "Something about leaving Fairy Tail, and a daisy, and hurting Wendy of all people!"

Lucy thought about it for a moment. It had been an awfully vivid nightmare - suddenly she was back before Tartaros, before the Grand Magic Games, before Tenrou Island, when Lissana had just come back. And everyone had been...ignoring her? No, that didn't seem right. Dream Lucy didn't seem to appreciate her guild members and had just assumed that everyone would choose Lissana over her.

How ironic that Mirajane, Lissana's sister, had been one of the few that would still talk to her.

"What a strange nightmare..." Lucy whispered. She'd quit Fairy Tail, hadn't she? How irrational. And then she'd met a dragon, and became super strong. So incredibly strong, in fact, that she'd dominated the Grand Magic Games and the other Dragon Slayers.

But that wouldn't happen, would it? Lucy would never leave the guild until the day she died. Fairy Tail was her home, after all, and she saw nothing in the future that would end her life. She was living a great life, one filled with a new adventure every day.

Lucy pushed the dream out of her mind as she looked outside the window. Today was a beautiful day, after all, and would be perfect. _Nothing _could go wrong.


End file.
